When it’s way too deep, to verbally express Part 1

 

too deep

Too deep

this is the moment

and this is the time

when its way too deep to verbally express

         ’cause words cannot do justice to the emotion and everything else going on….

but the well of tears, gets  close to the depth of emotions

My pain is emotional and even physical

which causes an emotional  knot in the chest

 

too deep

 

Too deep-the call

I received one of those shocking calls of my life

October 19, 2017 at  6:15 pm, Pacific time

        the news

My brother had passed on in Zimbabwe(where I was born and raised)

  • without  notice
  • or  earlier diagnosis
  • nor long-term symptoms

reason: suspected  heart attack.

I don’t know exactly, how  to explain the feeling:

  • you feel like it’s a dream
  •         and you desperately want to come out of it
  • or rather you wish it was a dream,
  • then you would snap out of it
  • and try not to remember it at all
  • you don’t know what to do
  • sadness mixed with disbelief
  • plus thoughts racing
  • and heart beating fast 
  •        also you don’t know how to piece this whole thing together
  • and all such kind of mixed emotions

above all you feel like running away from with whole dream,

’cause it’s way too painful.But I can’t,I just have to take it in and deal with it.


When it’s was too deep to verbally express part 2

too deep

Too deep-My brother

The one  I come after

the man who led me to Christ

and when I was younger,living with him

he would urge me to speak the Word

and he would discourage me from just talking stories.

My brother  was an Apostle

a man after God’s own heart

and principled

also resolute in his decision to follow Christ

and a sound teacher of the Word.

Apostle Dr.  Ephiel  Mukamuri

too deep

He was very radical, in his  belief of the Scriptures

therefore,he would preach,

precept upon precept

and line upon line

a husband who loved his wife whole heartedly

and trained his children in the ways of the Lord

and a big brother in our family

who led by example

He passed on in an all night prayer meeting, Zimbabwe time another-language-culture

praying to the one he loved and believed in

God the Father and Lord of our Savior Jesus Christ

too deep

When doing the work of God

It was as if he was saying;

do it with passion

or not at all

naturally speaking, the  void is too big to fill, but.....God is able

too deep

Too deep-my emotions part 3

My feelings are on a roller coaster

up, down, a twist here, plus a turn here

One moment I get consolation,  by the fact that he knew God

He was born again to the chore. (if you want the same experience  receive-salvation )

And he knew how to work out   his salvation with fear

and trembling

     for he never took his salvation for granted

And left a great  legacy

through God’s grace, he raised Pastors

and several congregations

      He preached and was an example of living by faith

and living the sanctified life

plus he took care of the underprivileged,

not because he was in the natural sense

but he was moved with compassion

I imagine him in his signature smile;

discovering the glories of heaven

and excited to meet other saints in heaven;

family and friends

heaven has gained

Another moment:

this is my very own brother

and my flesh and blood

I look at everything he has done for me

and contributed in my life

the last moment I saw him

and I’m thinking…that was really the last

and I did not know it

I wish I had known it,

otherwise we could have discussed some deep issues

and get to hear what he thought about some family dynamics

 

too deep

Too deep-Support

I have a church family that is standing with me and my family

friends and relatives

also my children, who  might not know how to do it

but in their own way, you  see they’re grieving

and concerned about me

My sweet husband….

Thank You Lord for giving me such a mate

One who stand with me through and thin

and loves my family members greatly

That’s your grace abounding toward me.

 

too deep

 

Too deep-Now what?

I will miss my brother’s signature smile, dearly

Already miss him

        Since I know too well that the Lord  forbids us to talk to the deceased I won’t

            I will tell the Lord my needs

             and all my aches and pains

Deuteronomy 18

“When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, be very careful not to imitate the detestable customs of the nations living there.

10 For example, never sacrifice your son or daughter as a burnt offering.[a] And do not let your people practice fortune-telling, or use sorcery, or interpret omens, or engage in witchcraft, 

11 or cast spells, or function as mediums or psychics, or call forth the spirits of the dead. 

12 Anyone who does these things is detestable before the Lord.

 

When you think you are talking to the dead,you are actually talking to demons.

I Love the Lord so much,and I want to obey His Word,

Therefore,when I miss my brother,

I will tell the Lord to convey my message to him

I will go to the throne of grace in time of need

and get mercy and grace

Grace,in this context is the ability from the Lord

for, on my own I cannot make it

So I need the burden bearer

my Lord Jesus Christ

 

too deep

 

 

Too deep-Prayer

I don’t know the total picture,

but You do

you are good

and you are good all the time

Thank you for giving me such a brother  thankful

Thank you for the time we shared

and for the legacy that he left us

I cannot complain, for he left us the greatest gift;

Your  Word

which is  life in abundance

And in it we get everything that we need.

    Thank you for your comfort  win-everyday

I will get through this

my sister in-law and the kids,

plus grand children

My daddy, with  God’s grace

We will get through this by your grace

for you are a merciful Father

and the source  of all comfort

You comfort us in all our troubles

so that we can comfort others,in distress

we will comfort them with the same comfort we have received from the you

too deep

I continue to rely on you my God and my Father

and  I give you all the glory

in Jesus’ name

Amen!

 

We were home going celebration service

       and burial via live stream

although not the same as being present,

it did help much

        I really thank God for technology

 

About mavischuma@aol.com

I love Jesus. I love life. I love people. My life is hid in Christ in God. I belong to God & am seated in heavenly places with Jesus Christ. As Jesus is in heaven so am I in the world. So I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. I am a winner.

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