Miscarriage is a huge source of grief. For it’s a loss which you feel very personal. I n life we grieve for different reasons and in different ways. It could be the loss of a job,relationship,or loosing a house to foreclosure.
The physical separation from the people we love or a friend or family member passing.
Now, what I’m going to share with you is very personal. I don’t usually talk about it. When it happened, I told only a few people. Because I did not know how I would react, once I start talking about it. Also for fear that when they console me I might lose it. It was such an emotional moment. Full of confusion and physical pain associated with the miscarriage and emotional pain. Miscarriage is physically very painful. Several moments I would catch myself thinking like..” Why I am going through all this pain, as if I will have anything to show for it.”
In 2002 I got pregnant, it was a surprise pregnancy for my husband and I. We started to plan for the new baby, but alas on January 27th, I had a miscarriage. That was very painful to say the least. But what added salt to the wound was my birthday is 29 January. Some of our friends and family members knew we had closed the chapter on having more kids mentally. And for some people who knew this, when they heard about the miscarriage they took it lightly.
Somebody said to me, “But you were not planning to have another baby right?”
Insinuating that since it was an unplanned baby, they expect us to be fine with the miscarriage. It really hurt me, but I could not express myself. During times like these, people can say hurtful things unknowingly and unintentionally. That’s why it’s better to just say sorry, and be there for someone. Especially when you don’t know/not sure what to says.
Grief and the process
.I was thinking like, ” how can I not be in pain,? How can I not be grieving when I just lost a baby.”
The grief for me was too deep to bear. This was my baby,our baby. Part of us. I tried braving up emotionally, but I could not.The pain of the miscarriage,physically was also unbearable. I started to research on the internet, about other women that had lost their babies through miscarriages. And I Would do this daily, for those days I was still deeply grieving. Eventually, I found a forum which was very helpful. Unfortunately I can’t remember its name. And I began to notice that the things I was going through were not unusual.
I would think like,”what could we have done to prevent this from happening? What really went wrong?” I could see that my husband was feeling like a failure, because he did not know how best to comfort me. He did the best availing himself if I needed anything.
I so wanted to tell our girls about it. But was afraid that they would not know what to do with the information.They were 8 and 10 then.
Through hearing other people’s stories, eventually the pain died down. Since the baby was due in September, usually every September I imagine how old the baby would have been. I also wonder about the gender.
Where I’m today about the miscarriage
Nowadays, I can talk about it, without crying. This is by God’s grace. And I can even console other women who have lost babies due to miscarriages. If you have had a miscarriage, I’m so sorry. Don’t isolate yourself. Find some way to get help. For me, staying in the presence of God did help much. By this I mean, reading the Scriptures, watching worship videos, reading books by people who truly know the Lord. And have a deep relationship with Him. For in His presence, there is joy,peace and liberty. I look forward to see my baby in heaven. It’s going to be a beautiful reunion!
If you just had a miscarriage, It must seem like you will always have a fresh memory of the ordeal. But that’s not true. Give yourself time to mourn but try not to stay too long in it. Because you end up getting into despair or depression. Life is tough, so are you.
Unfortunate things happen to good people too
When you get out of it, it’s gonna be a testimony. John 9:1-7,Jesus’ disciples saw a blind man. Then asked Jesus who had sinned, this man or his parents. Because according to them, SOMEBODY must have caused the man’s blindness. Either the mother or father or himself. Jesus surprised them:
3 “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him. 4 We must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent us.[a] The night is coming, and then no one can work. 5 But while I am here in the world, I am the light of the world.”
6 Then he spit on the ground, made mud with the saliva, and spread the mud over the blind man’s eyes. 7 He told him, “Go wash yourself in the pool of Siloam” (Siloam means “sent”). So the man went and washed and came back seeing. THE MAN BECAME A TESTIMONY!
Please Note: God knows the total truth. Try not to get into despair. If you are already into despair, DON’T PANIC. Take it, one day at a time. God loves you. You can be a source of help to other women who have had miscarriages. You are a victor! And you will be a testimony. If you don’t know the Lord, check this: receive-salvation.
We are in this together. Be at liberty, to ask me to hold you up in prayer. Thanks for stopping by.